As the day's go bye! I see the disappointment hovering in your eyes. Our wishes and dreams for the future being so far out of reach. We try to take it one step at a time but for every step we take it seems that we take 2 backward's. It's almost as if were working at 50%.

What happen's if this treatment doesn't work? What if it doesn't end in a pregnancy. We can't financially afford to keep going. Who new the cost of having a baby would be expensive before the child is even conceived. I sure didn't. This should be easy. Not hard.

A baby should be created out of love. Not a catheter being stuck in you. That's what we are being dealt right now. So we go along with it. The End result hopefully a baby.

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I hate feeling jealous of people that have babies or kids and are trying for more. I hate feeling jealous of people I care deeply about having children. I want it to be our turn. I want to see a human being that has the characteristic's of me and my husband combined into one.

So for today I have a follie scan to look forward to on the 11th of January of 2011! From there an IUI and the dreaded 2 week wait again.

Arrival of Aunt Flow!

When your trying to conceive a baby and you period show's up each month it's like a blow to the gut! I don't think anyone can truly understand what I am going through. Yes some people are going through the same exact thing. Might be as far along in the trying to conceive process but do they really feel like I feel.

I have never been pregnant. No oops baby's, Miscarraiges no nothing. I have never had a positive pregnancy test. Even a False Positive one.

Every time I take a pregnancy test I dread taking it. I don't know if I will ever see those 2 pink lines. I only see one or a not pregnant! Ughh.

Well on to another cycle of trying.

I am finally able to talk to my mom about trying to have a baby but know one realizes how long we have been actually trying.

2 Day's Past IUI

12 More Day's Till Testing

Ok realistically I am thrilled I can possibly test in less then 2 weeks to see if I have a life growing inside of me. The thought terrifies me also! What if there is? What if there isn't?

If there isn't we will try again! If there is ..... How the F is the baby getting out of me. I am under the impression this is a normal fear for a First Time Mom!

I am glad that someone out there made an Epidural without it I may go insane. Last year I had a spinal tap done and swore up and down if I ever do get pregnant I will not have an epidural. Now that I am facing the possibility or pregnancy, 9 months and possibly a big baby to push out! I think I may need one!

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What's been happening over the course of this week.

12/13/10: Positive Opk :) Ultrasound showed follie at 20.5 mm in left ovary!
12/14/10:IUI (Ovulation Day) - 2 drops of blood on TP after IUI, cramps
12/15/10: 1 dpo - popping feeling under belly button. diahrea during and after eating tuna sub from subway. Cramps
12/16/10: 2 dpo - Light cramping! Some boob pain(boobs normally don't hurt at all) and gas! (little bubbles popping in belly)

8th of December, Cycle Day 11

Today brought a new roller coaster of emotions.

As I was sitting in the RE's office waiting for them to come in to measure the follicles inside my ovaries. I couldn't help but think what if this doesn't work. What if my egg's don't grow.

As the RE was scanning my right ovary I was pleasantly surprised to hear about Follie # 1: Whom was small 7.2 mm by 8.4 mm. I was just glad to see a more prominent one sticking out in my ovary.

She then check's the left ovary. Another prominent follicle emerges on the screen. This one bigger then the right side. A wapping 12.7 mm by 12.1 mm. Measurements are taken by the horizantle and vertical axis.

I deal I would love to see my right Follie grow as big as my left one but I will take what I can get. I have a follow up scan next Monday to check the growth. I should not ovulate by then but there is a possibility.

Follow Up With RE

Ok so I realized I havn't posted in a little bit, so I will be back tracking a little.

On October 14th, 2010 I had an HSG done, initial diagnoses was that everything looked good. No tube blockages. On October 16, 2010. I started bleeding mid cycle. Stopped bleeding by Tuesday. Monday October 18, 2010 I went in an had a pelvic ultrasound. So with all my tests completed I scheduled a follow-up appointment for November 9, 2010.

Which brings me to today!

Our follow up appointment went great. HSG was normal, DH's sperm analysis was normal. I did have elevated levels of Testosterone and still show many follicles on ovaries.

What the Dr. explained to me is that my body is not producing a mature follicle each month. There for I am not ovulating on my own. So we have to make my body ovulate.

So this cycle I will be taking chlomid 100 mg on days 5 through 9 of my cycle. Having a mid cycle ultrasound done. That same day we will trigger ovulation. The next day we will be doing IUI.

Monthly Update

With AF arriving a few days ago I feel like I can breathe a little sigh of a relief. We can officially start over. I am temping this cycle and any following one's to get a better idea of what my body is doing.

Yesterday I went in and had whats called a 3 day blood test. I scheduled my HSG and pelvic ultrasound for the same day next week. Really hoping they will be able to do both. Didn't think to ask if I could have the ultrasound the same day as my HSG especially a few hours after I just had the procedure done.

As soon as everything is done I will be setting up an appointment to see the RE again to go over results and treatment plans.

First appointment with RE

So today I had an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. They asked some pretty simple questions. I am pretty thorough with my medical history. They had access to all my current medical records so it made things easier.

They had me take a urine pregnancy test. Came up negative.

I then had an exam where they did a simple swab of the cervix to make sure i have no STD's. I don't! They just want to make sure. Ugghh!

I consented to the Endometrial biopsy so they did that during the previous exam. Basically they put a catheter in your cervix suction out some cells. Takes about 30 seconds but its quite painful/bad cramps the 30 second suction I was squeezing Dh's finger.

After the Endometrial biopsy they did a sonogram took pictures of both fallopian tubes and look at the uterus, lining. Defiantly no baby in there right now.

They went over some things with us. DH was ordered to get a sperm analysis! He so didn't want to. Oh well hon. The RE wont even proceed till they have the results of it. Can take 2 weeks.

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The RE prescribed me 10 days worth of progesterone to get period started.

So I am waiting for AF to start when it does I have to call the Doctor's office to schedule an Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test that will be done between days 4 & 12 of cycle.

Day 3 of cycle I have to go in and get blood work. If day 3 falls on a Saturday I go in Friday if it falls on a Sunday I go in Monday.

Also on the first day of my cycle I will be scheduling a pelvic ultrasound to include pelvic/abdominal. Not to sure what they are looking for then.

My blood pressure was pretty high today 139/82 so I have been ordered to keep an eye on it. Not sure how I can do that. Might have to make a few un-necessary trips to walgreens right down the road.

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Dh's sperm analysis is scheduled for 9/30.

Anticipation

September 20, 2010 is drawing near. DH and I are looking forward to starting our journey with the reproductive endocrinologist. His command is allowing him to take the day off so he can come with me to my appointment.

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Breaking News:

Apparently I am " Pregnant " and its not my husbands!

Can I please slap a bitch?

So whose baby is it then ...... THE GAY ROOM MATE slap ... slap ...

Just Because you cheated on your husband does not make us all cheaters you d'oh d'oh head!

Update

9/20/10 is the day of my first appointment with the infertility Doctor. Defiantly looking forward to it. Hoping my husband will be able to come to the appointment with me chances are he will not this first one, but will come with me for other one's.

We also put in an offer on a 4 bedroom 2.5 bath house. Double the square footage of what we are living in now.

Patience Is a virtue

This past Monday I went to my Dr's for a follow up appointment from last month. Aunt Flo still has not made her appearance. She last visited in May.

So with the history of PCOS and us trying to conceive for 6 months I finally convinced the Doctor to give me a referral over to an Infertility Specialist. A must for Tricare.

On Wednesday I called Tricare to set up an appointment with the referral. They gave me some disappointing news. There are no appointments till October. They would not schedule my appointment but in 2 to 3 weeks someone will call me and let me know when my appointment is! Wonderful! Ok not really but we are getting some were. Just not at the pace we want to be going.

Last night Hubby got a call from his Chief asking if he would volunteer to go to Bahrain for 270 days. Starting October 10, 2010. My husband turned it down. So proud of him!

Dissapointed

Yesterday I drove up to my obgyn's office and demanded a blood pregnancy test. Also inquired about my 6 month follow up appointment.

Nurse's words, "They did blood work at your last appointment, said everything was normal. No follow up needed."

Excuse the 'F' out of me. My Dr. told me she would see me in 6 months if I was not pregnant by then she would refer me outside the clinic. As they can pretty much do everything an ob does except pregnancy related issues.

Also told the Nurse look I am trying to get pregnant not prevent a pregnancy. I am a month and a half late. I have taken tons of pregnancy tests and they have all came back Negative. I have been diagnosed with PCOS.

So after demanding that they do a blood pregnancy test so I can see what is going on. They made me wait in the waiting room for an hour before they told me the Dr. put it in. So I walked over to lab they took some blood. I went home.

I have to call back next month to schedule my 6 month follow up appointment because get this I was 3 days early? Yup they only schedule appoints 30 days in advance. UGGHH

Woke up this morning called an on call nurse. They told me the test was NEGATIVE.

Not the best way to start off my day.

In the begining

Contimplating the begining of existance ... Were trying to conceive a Navy brat. My biological first child my husbands second.

This is my journey ... Follow it if you wish. It wont bother me if you stray away.

I wish to remain annonymous for now, down the road I may share more of whom I am. I am know one famous I am just your ordinary girl living in this world.