As the day's go bye! I see the disappointment hovering in your eyes. Our wishes and dreams for the future being so far out of reach. We try to take it one step at a time but for every step we take it seems that we take 2 backward's. It's almost as if were working at 50%.

What happen's if this treatment doesn't work? What if it doesn't end in a pregnancy. We can't financially afford to keep going. Who new the cost of having a baby would be expensive before the child is even conceived. I sure didn't. This should be easy. Not hard.

A baby should be created out of love. Not a catheter being stuck in you. That's what we are being dealt right now. So we go along with it. The End result hopefully a baby.

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I hate feeling jealous of people that have babies or kids and are trying for more. I hate feeling jealous of people I care deeply about having children. I want it to be our turn. I want to see a human being that has the characteristic's of me and my husband combined into one.

So for today I have a follie scan to look forward to on the 11th of January of 2011! From there an IUI and the dreaded 2 week wait again.

Arrival of Aunt Flow!

When your trying to conceive a baby and you period show's up each month it's like a blow to the gut! I don't think anyone can truly understand what I am going through. Yes some people are going through the same exact thing. Might be as far along in the trying to conceive process but do they really feel like I feel.

I have never been pregnant. No oops baby's, Miscarraiges no nothing. I have never had a positive pregnancy test. Even a False Positive one.

Every time I take a pregnancy test I dread taking it. I don't know if I will ever see those 2 pink lines. I only see one or a not pregnant! Ughh.

Well on to another cycle of trying.

I am finally able to talk to my mom about trying to have a baby but know one realizes how long we have been actually trying.

2 Day's Past IUI

12 More Day's Till Testing

Ok realistically I am thrilled I can possibly test in less then 2 weeks to see if I have a life growing inside of me. The thought terrifies me also! What if there is? What if there isn't?

If there isn't we will try again! If there is ..... How the F is the baby getting out of me. I am under the impression this is a normal fear for a First Time Mom!

I am glad that someone out there made an Epidural without it I may go insane. Last year I had a spinal tap done and swore up and down if I ever do get pregnant I will not have an epidural. Now that I am facing the possibility or pregnancy, 9 months and possibly a big baby to push out! I think I may need one!

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What's been happening over the course of this week.

12/13/10: Positive Opk :) Ultrasound showed follie at 20.5 mm in left ovary!
12/14/10:IUI (Ovulation Day) - 2 drops of blood on TP after IUI, cramps
12/15/10: 1 dpo - popping feeling under belly button. diahrea during and after eating tuna sub from subway. Cramps
12/16/10: 2 dpo - Light cramping! Some boob pain(boobs normally don't hurt at all) and gas! (little bubbles popping in belly)

8th of December, Cycle Day 11

Today brought a new roller coaster of emotions.

As I was sitting in the RE's office waiting for them to come in to measure the follicles inside my ovaries. I couldn't help but think what if this doesn't work. What if my egg's don't grow.

As the RE was scanning my right ovary I was pleasantly surprised to hear about Follie # 1: Whom was small 7.2 mm by 8.4 mm. I was just glad to see a more prominent one sticking out in my ovary.

She then check's the left ovary. Another prominent follicle emerges on the screen. This one bigger then the right side. A wapping 12.7 mm by 12.1 mm. Measurements are taken by the horizantle and vertical axis.

I deal I would love to see my right Follie grow as big as my left one but I will take what I can get. I have a follow up scan next Monday to check the growth. I should not ovulate by then but there is a possibility.